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Xtians help me... What should I do? Today some athetits moved int omy neighborhood. We all get along very well , despite the religbus differences. But, a few days ago, problems irupted.
The Atheist Devils are terrorists. They call themselves Dumbledore's, I mean, Dawkins Army. They blast heavy metal rock like Marilyn Manson and Screamo music 24/7. We coud deel with all that.Than, 2 days ago, they started burning some Bibbles an other religius textes. They throw rocks at us on our way to church. They guynap men at night, and force them to have sex with a Richard Dawkins Blow up Doll. the Brand the leters FSM onto backs. They beat us with copies of the God Dalusion. They hack us with machetes. Now, they have forced anyone that is even milsdly religius to watch hardcore gay porn wile chanting verses(wait, I thought atheists were nice) from the Negronomicon. They make us eat the flesh of Albino Africans while they watch videos of Sarah Silverman Raping a gay albino JAmaican Midget guy witch doctor from Zambia! They skin wetards alive and turn ther skin into leather jackits! Now, they have been aborting retarded bunny rabbits. They even sacrificed ppl with vitaligo to their God Richard Dawkins
We have called the police, but they never come. Now, the atheists are going to lead a war. They plan to fight house rom house, till all the religius are dead
(But is there anyone dumb enough to believe this obvious BS story? I mean damn, it is ripe with Spelling errors. I know that some Christians (I actualy am a Christian) that are idiots, but damn.)
Oh God, they are breaking into my house. What should I do? | Okay, stay calm. There is way to protect yourself.
First find a black crayon (if you can't find black, red will do) then run to the kitchen and grab the biggest lid you can find. Quickly (but neatly) draw an upside down pentacle on it. Holding the lid in front of you, run around your house drawing hearts with R.D. inside them on all your walls. When they come in, stay cool. Blandly tell them that there ain't no Christians in the house, and tell them they called you away from making a sacrifice on your altar to Darwin. Tell them you're just too busy to join them right now, as after finishing your sacrifice to Darwin, you have perform a forcible abortion on your sister and go pick up your mom from her coven meeting where they sacrificed your dad to Christopher Hitchens.
They should then leave without doing anything to you. If not, you can always try a shotgun.
(ROFL - thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed reading your scenario! *snicker* Now where's my copy of The God Delusion, I got some butt-whuppin' to do.) | Xtians help me... What should I do? Today some athetits moved int omy neighborhood. We all get along very well , despite the religbus differences. But, a few days ago, problems irupted.
The Atheist Devils are terrorists. They call themselves Dumbledore's, I mean, Dawkins Army. They blast heavy metal rock like Marilyn Manson and Screamo music 24/7. We coud deel with all that.Than, 2 days ago, they started burning some Bibbles an other religius textes. They throw rocks at us on our way to church. They guynap men at night, and force them to have sex with a Richard Dawkins Blow up Doll. the Brand the leters FSM onto backs. They beat us with copies of the God Dalusion. They hack us with machetes. Now, they have forced anyone that is even milsdly religius to watch hardcore gay porn wile chanting verses(wait, I thought atheists were nice) from the Negronomicon. They make us eat the flesh of Albino Africans while they watch videos of Sarah Silverman Raping a gay albino JAmaican Midget guy witch doctor f | Pls pray for those misguided people, pray for their salvation, and that they will open the eyes to the truth about Jesus Christ.
Try to love them and talk to them nicely as a fellow friends in need. Cater for their needs and be more tolerant for their behaviour. They are lost themselves trying to find their way. Try to feel compassionate for them as God loves them too.
Peace be with you,
JML |
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